The end of the beginning?

Last Tuesday was my last day as a Peace Corps volunteer. I think that right now, I am considered a Returned Peace Corps Volunteer, except that I'm not returned. Tom and I are currently inNepal taking a very much needed vacation for a few weeks, until we go back to America and start afresh. Rwanda, am going to miss you so much. The last few weeks have been exhausting, and it's going to take a while to work through all the emotions about Rwanda, my Peace Corps service, and myself. So, in the meantime, I try to think about this quote from Ralph Waldo Emerson that our fantastic COS conference facilitator kept coming back to:

"The definition of success--To laugh much; to win respect of intelligent persons and the affections of children; to earn the approbation of honest critics and endure the betrayal of false friends; to appreciate beauty; to find the best in others; to give one's self; to leave the world a little better, whether by a healthy child, a garden patch, or a redeemed social condition; to have played and laughed with enthusiasm, and sung with exultation; to know even one life has breathed easier because you have lived--this is to have succeeded."

Thanks for reading, and hopefully, I'll have some updates from Nepal soon.

My last sunset in Kigali

The Last Two Weeks: Saying Goodbye

Last night I had a dream that I was talking to a friend who wanted to visit, and I said, “oh, we’ll be in Kibungo as much as possible for the last few weeks until we leave.” And I woke up with a start with the realization that I was leaving Kibungo tomorrow. Like, Thursday. And yes, I’ll be in the country for a little longer, going into Kigali for some things, but only for a few days. Its over.

Work: Last week, we officially opened the Gashanda Health Post. We had representatives from the local sector, the District, the radio station, and the church, plus people from the local community (including the whole primary school across the road, once they got out on lunch break). We had a dancing choir for entertainment, and a couple crates of fantas for the VIPs, and a good time was had by all. The Post is seeing more patients all the time, and has seem almost 500 people since opening its doors.


At this point, the main part of my work has been saying goodbye to people I have worked with. Today I’m having my last sewing session with the ladies at the local prison. Earlier this week, I had a party at the house for the association of sex workers I have been working with/hanging out with. Somehow, nothing ever quite worked out with actual programming, but I’m hoping to connect them with a small loan program once I’m gone. And at the very least, I gave them all my old clothes (weirdly, before I left America, I donated all my clothes to HIPs), and we had a nice time. It was hard saying goodbye to the women I’ve become close to in this group – they are some of my favorite people I’ve met in Rwanda, and the sources of my best conversations, held in my mutant Kinyarwanda. They have been generous, open, funny, and patient with me, and they don’t have phones or internet, so I have no idea how I’ll ever keep in touch with them. I am losing it as I write this.

Life: I’m not just saying goodbye to my Rwandan friends and coworkers, I’m saying goodbye to our Peace Corps family, and other expatriate friends. I know that Peace Corps frowns on this, maybe rightly so, but these relationships have been incredibly important to me throughout my time here. So, last weekend, my former colleague and current friend helped organize a hike that Tom has been talking about for months. The idea is that there is a hill called Agatwe Ka Musaza, or little head of the old man. All Rwandans tell us it’s a huge hill, with a rocky, boulder-strewn top. By the time we got there, we realized that we were driving along to the top of the hill, and the rocky nub at the top took approximately 5 minutes to climb, after 2 hours in the car. It was pretty though, and after we admired the view from the top (we could see Tanzania and Burundi quite clearly, but not the Virungas, as people told us), and the Ankole cattle grazing at the bottom, we continued on to Rusumo falls. At least got to climb up to a promontory, looking out over the falls into Tanzania again, over the rocky cliffs on either side of the Akagera river.


I guess these last two weeks have also been about saying goodbye to Rwanda itself, which as I’ve said before, is achingly beautiful. On the day of our 9-hour walk, we passed a little lake just a bit outside of town, and we had wanted to go back to spend more time there. Yesterday was our last chance, so we packed a picnic lunch and headed our into the valley, tramping around fields to find the right path to take us there. It took two hours to find it, a little lake surrounded by trees and full of water lilies. We managed to cut through the yards and fields around the lake and ate lunch on the shore, with only a little idle curiosity from the ladies doing laundry further down the banks. It was perfectly timed – we set out when it was still cool and misty, and by the time it got sunny, we were already sitting under an acacia tree. We finished and admired the dam on the other side, and the view of the miles and miles of rice paddies irrigated by the lake, and then headed back. The clouds got black and it did start to rain, but not for too long and we were prepared. We just got to see people leaving their fields for lunch, holding banana leaves over their heads as umbrellas. It took a little while to find the path that would get us out of the valley and back to the top of our hill. So, we walked through some fields, and then up the rocky slope through Eucalyptus trees, and when we got to the top, mud splattered and sweat stained, the first person we saw on the dirt road was a guy wearing spotless white pants and shoes.



Making things: In the last week, we’ve been going out to eat a lot, but baking tons of stuff as I work my way through my stash. Yesterday I made my grandma’s apricot bars again, with the last bag of dried fruit I bought in the US on my trip home last year. I’ve always meant to post pictures of exactly how I do the baking in the “Peace Corps Oven.” First you light a charcoal stove, then put a big empty pot on top and cover it. When it’s preheated, you put a tin can inside, and your baking dish on top of that, and cover the pot again. And then, you have baked goods in Africa.

No bake cookies that don't set up make perfectly good icing.

I’ve also been working with my ice cream maker – so far this week, mango sorbet, pistachio ice cream from instant pudding, and the kicker, Persian saffron and rosewater ice cream, from ingredients from a care package from a doctor who visited last year.

And so, this is it. My last blog entry from Kibungo. Even when I wasn’t living at this site, I would confuse people by calling it “home.” I’m not sure exactly what I’m feeling, because it doesn’t seem real. This week has nailed down Kinyarwanda words like, “to say goodbye,” “to miss,” and “forever.” People keep asking when we’re coming back. Sometimes people jump in and say “she’ll come back after she gives birth, and then she’ll bring the baby.” And I definitely believe that I’ll come back. Another PCV who has already gone home wrote that he didn’t fully comprehend that it was over until he saw the lights of his hometown. I think it’s going to feel like that.

Three weeks left: A roiling stew of emotions

Did I say things were going slowly? I was wrong. Things have picked up here, by a lot. Last week Tom and I headed to Kigali for Peace Corps medical tests, which meant that we had a few days to relax, explore, and hang out with friends while waiting to get our TB tests read (negative, don’t worry). But that meant one shortened work week, plus we were both knocked out by a cold for a bit, so here we are, with just over two full weeks at our site. Three weeks from today is my last day as a Peace Corps Volunteer.

Work: So, after inheriting craft supplies left over from Camps GLOW and BE, I’ve been learning how to make candles. Lots of cooperatives and individuals have beehives here in Rwanda, but mostly people throw away the wax as a useless byproduct. However, the few that do sell the wax for a fairly high price in the capital, and the few that make candles charge even more. So, I introduced to some colleagues at the Anglican church, and they arranged a training for me and women from the Mother’s Union at two of the nearby parishes. I was actually kind of surprised at how much the ladies enjoyed it, and were excited about trying it on their own. The woman in charge is one savvy businesswoman (one of our closest friends, but who never gives me discounts on the handicrafts she sells), so I’m interested to see where this will go.

Life: It’s been hard sorting out all of the emotions about leaving, especially having been a little under the weather. I’m worried about saying goodbye, worried about what happens to our projects when we leave, and worried about finding meaningful work when I get back home. I’m also trying to get perspective on what it was like to live here, in Rwanda, for two years. Tom and I visited the Gisozi Genocide Memorial Center in Kigali during our stay. We went for the first time the day after we landed here more than two years ago, and it was very moving and informative. I think that I was expecting it to be easier this time, more museum than place to mourn. I have no idea why I thought this. It was so much more intense. It’s an experience I want to write more about on this blog, but after I leave Rwanda.

Making things: I started packing things up last week. I put the fabric I had collected in my suitcase and began to hyperventilate. I have a lot of stuff. Stuff that reminds me of Rwanda, and of people, and trips, and general happy memories. I don’t know what I am going to do. I think I thought that making things out of the fabric stash would be a sensible option, but then I just have more stuff to bring home. Still, it’s been fun. I made a bag with belt loops that I plan to use for our trekking adventure in Nepal next month, like a slightly less embarrassing fanny pack, lined with a woven plastic rice sack to make it a little water resistant. The other is a gift for a friend.

5 weeks left: Still 5 weeks left?

Life: In January, we had a big conference at a beautiful hotel on the banks of Lake Kivu, and we talked, essentially, about endings and beginnings. What did Peace Corps mean to us, what did we do, how can we feel proud of it, how do we bring things to a close, and what will we do next. It was really well done, and made me feel good and peaceful about my experience, and more prepared for finding meaningful work once I am done here. It made things feel like they were ending really, really soon. But that was over a month ago, and now there is more than a month to go. It’s strange—too little time to start new things, but too much time to start wrapping things up in earnest, too early to start packing up and giving things away, too early to really say goodbye, but having those goodbyes looming in front of you.

Work: The health post is still going. I took a few more pictures this week. I wish I could be there more often, but it’s far, and there’s a lot of administrative work to be done back here at my site. I won’t bore you.

Crafts and Cooking: There has been a lot of cooking going on, since there are a lot of things I have been saving for later, and now there’s not much later left. In the last week alone, I’ve made chocolate ice cream, brownies, my grandma’s apricot bars, barbecue sauce, sushi, with lots more plans for the weekend. Now that we have memorized the word for ribs, we have talked it over with the owner of our preferred local restaurant, and are having goat ribs on Friday, with my barbecue sauce. We are very excited about this.

Also, I’ve been making a lot of things. I finished a pair of socks, and finished knitting a scarf, except for the crochet trim, which bored me, so I started yet another scarf. Plus, working on some small goodbye and thank you gifts.

6 weeks left: How to disengage

Work: The health post is working! There are staff, medicines, and supplies, and, most importantly patients. The work and the problems of getting it open have given way to the headaches and frustrations of all the little problems, and making sure that things are going to continue going smoothly once we leave.

The health post accountant with her new neighbors

Life: It has dawned on me that we are actually, really leaving. One of our peace corps neighbors is finishing early and going home next week, so we sent him off with a party last weekend. It’s sad, but he’s a good friend, and I don’t doubt that we’ll see him again soon. We do tend to get together a lot, and it seems like we do it increasingly as we get closer to the end, and each time, we ask ourselves if this is the last time. I’m sure this isn’t, but it hangs in the air. I think we get especially close to each other because we’re disengaging from our work and communities. It was hard watching Brandon say goodbye to his Rwandan friends, and start giving his things away to neighbors. I know I’m going to see these guys again sooner than I’m going to see my Rwandan family here. As we pull away from Rwanda, I think we pull together, just like we always do when things are difficult. I just hope that in the end that doesn’t make things even harder.

The Boys, one last time

Crafts: So, as I’ve mentioned before, my friend Anna and I visit the local prison about once a week to sew toys for children at the hospital with some of the female prisoners. Last week, we were wrapping up, and giving the new bean bags a quick toss to make sure the beans wouldn’t fall out, I had a vision: Brandon is a serious juggler. African fabric bean bags would be the perfect gift. Given that Anna has made hundreds of these things, she was the one to present Brandon with them. On my part, Tom had recently talked me into buying a promotional length of fabric for Primus – Rwanda’s most popular beer. Thinking about gifts that were both small and meaningful, I came up with a passport holder for Brandon. While I was sewing, I realized that the fabric was actually not for Rwandan Primus, but the Congolese brand. Still, I don’t think that that detracts from the overall effect.






And finally, a Valentine’s Day gift from our garden.

7 Weeks Left: Planned Obsolescence

Work: As things get busier here, I find myself focusing more and more on making myself obsolete. This was hard at first—I felt like I was slacking when I would ask a colleague to make a call, or fill out a form, especially since I was really excited about the work. To back up, our colleague Lysiane was promoted from part time interpreter to the full-time Rwandan representative of the NGO we work with, Humanity for Children. We were excited about this, because knew she would do a great job, and a more effective one that a succession of foreigners could. A shift in mindset doesn’t happen overnight, but it's been amazing seeing her grow in her new role. We’re working closely together, and I’m doing my best to teach her ways to work more effectively, and communicate with the American staff more effectively as well. As the opening date of our health post approaches and there’s more and more work to do, it’s a challenge to get everything done, but while is hasn’t been the most stress-free week, it’s been rewarding.

Life: Have I mentioned that I love Rwanda? It has the most perfect climate, and I swear I haven’t seen a single spot that isn’t incredibly beautiful in its own way. I couldn’t count the number of times I have taken the same route on the main (only?) highway in our province, but there are still spots that make me catch my breath, I had forgotten how beautiful they were. I have seen the starriest nights, the most perfect rainbows, prettiest sunsets, and the most shooting stars of my life.



A house in Gitarama at sunset. This is on a side road in the second biggest city in the country.


At the same time, it’s a tiny country, whose development– albeit turbocharged– is in early stages. Tom and I have done a lot of the major tourist attractions, like hiking in Nyungwe Forest, visiting Gisenyi and Kibuye on Lake Kivu, safaris and camping in Akagera park, and most recently, climbing Mount Bisoke. But, to keep things interesting, I like to have a running list of day trips. These have included a trip to a monastery and pottery in our District, requiring an hour and a half on a bike taxi, and our most epic to date, a walk to our friend Emmett’s site, which took about 9 hours, partially in a thunderstorm. For some reason, I was confident that we would walk back the same way the next day, so I took exactly two pictures. Here is one – featuring a Rwandan beehive. Unfortunately, we had to take a bus when it became apparent that our blister-covered, aching feet could not transport us back



Anyway, my most recent excursion was a trip to Kirehe District to visit the Kakira Imigongo cooperative. Imigongo are traditional paintings of raised geometric designs, generally black and white. They were traditionally used to decorate people’s homes, but have become a common handicraft, sold on wooden panels. They were not my favorite Rwandan craft at first, but I love them now, both for their vibrancy and their unmistakable Rwandanness. So, at the coop, there were a group of women sitting outside, forming the patterns in a mixture of earth and cow dung, and others painting them with natural pigments. They were kind enough to let me take pictures. And I was happy to buy a couple to bring home, traditional designs and unfortunately not the temptingly beautiful (and huge) village scene they had for sale.



Crafts: After lots of planning and evaluation of April temperatures of places we would like to go, Tom and I are planning on heading to a Nepal for a month after Rwanda. While I am incredibly excited about this, Rwanda has completely spoiled me temperature wise, and I now get cold and hot very easily, which is ridiculous. I am planning on freezing in Nepal, especially since I wasn’t really packing for a Himalayan trek when I left the U.S. for Africa. Luckily, our market is full of second hand clothes, and I’ve managed to find some decent hiking equipment and a fleece. To supplement those finds, I’m working on a pair of wool socks (thanks for the yarn, Aunt Yvonne!). I finished one, but I’ll wait to show you until both are finished. Instead, here’s picture of a scarf I knit on top of quilt I sewed.

8 weeks left

Work: Meetings and meetings and meetings, at the district, with the church, and elsewhere. But things are coming of it. Our organization’s health post has been languishing for a year without the support to start up, but this week the job announcements were posted for the nurses and other staff that will provide health care to a sector of over 13,000 people. We’ve had community health days there in the past, and moms start coming with their kids early in the morning, and there’s a steady stream all day, until it’s finally too late, and they are sent home with a toothbrush, multivitamin, and deworming meds. I cannot wait until they can get care every day, any time they need it.


Crafts: I have become well creative here, and I’m almost too embarrassed to admit it. But here’s my latest homemade gift for a friend – the sachet is made out of a pair of old linen shorts, and filled with lavender I picked up on my layover in Amsterdam. The lip balm is homemade, and scented with Rwandan lemongrass essential oil, as is the candle. I have become unhealthily obsessed with making candles and lip balm, because how many of those two things can anyone realistically use?



Life: It was my birthday last weekend, and got to spend it hosting some of our amazing friends. I am savoring each last gathering, and what is most likely my last warm weather birthday in a while. Thanks for all who sent birthday wishes my way!




Also, my amazing tailor gave me a huge box of fabric scraps for our project making toys for kids in the local hospital. We had to check it out first.

I wrote this the week before Christmas. I am now officially finishing my Peace Corps service on March 29th, and with so little time left, I'm hoping to document a bit more regularly.

My Garden:

I have a beautiful garden full of vegetables, herbs, salad greens, and a field of sweet corn that might just be perfect on Christmas day. It's beautiful and makes me happy every time I look outside. Back in America, is it possible for us to afford a place in the city where gardening is possible? It's making us discuss the suburbs for the first time in our marriage. The first time in my life!

My Front Door:

First Anna made the wreath out of avocado leaves and dried chiles from our garden, then one from a pine tree cut down along the road. The archway is from our front yard, the chairs were purchased from the back of a bike of a guy I saw walking down the road. This is what got me into the holiday spirit.



Camp GLOW (Girls Leading Our World)

I just got back from a 5-day camp for secondary school girls. I was facilitator for 11 girls from all over Rwanda, talking about goal setting, good decision making, and HIV prevention, on top of the leadership acitivities, and just fun. Doing yoga outside with a bunch of groaning girls while the evangelical church next door blasted praise music was an entertaining high point, as was the camp fire where the girls wrote things that someone had told them they couldn't do because they were girls, then threw it in the fire. When one of my girls read "they say I won't find a husband because I'm clever," crumpled the paper, and threw it in the flames, I cheered. It was exhausting, though, and it's good to be back at site.